We deserve after so many tragedies and a story, let's not forget that I tell love stories and I like to write them, sometimes I live them intensely with my characters, and I really don't know what reality is, what I've been through, what I've wanted to live or what I've just invented. That summer I was alone for a long time, for too long, I avoid going on vacation with pairs; I support my loneliness very well because I know for a long time that there is no perfect situation, everyone has advantages and disadvantages, my loneliness had 350 days of advantages and 15 of disadvantages, holidays surrounded by friends, all in relationships, nice, attentive, but inevitable together. It's not envy, as Pradeep once told me, it's more of an amalgam of no fulfilment, sadness, even anger and much desire. The desire to feel the love that on vacation becomes almost unbearable. That's what I was thinking that night of the holiday; I'd left at about 3 o'clock on a ferry connecting several islands, most of the people on the ship had fallen asleep somewhere on a deck in comfy armchairs, like beds, beaten by a gentle light breeze. But I can't sleep when I'm travelling, not on the train, not on the plane, let alone on the boat because, unlike the plane, by boat, I like to go, I viscerally like something about intense experiences, the waves hitting the boat, the feeling of sliding like I remember some happy times. I was leaning against the edge and watching the waves; moreover, I could hear them, though somewhere, right at the edge of the sea, the day had begun to come. I don't think I noticed him right away, but at one point I looked for a wave, and I saw him; he wasn't far from me, but he wasn't close enough to see him clearly enough, for a long time he was just a silhouette but I became so aware of his presence that I couldn't concentrate on the sea and sunrise and waves. Insinuating like any flow, the entire landscape concentrated in his silhouette and I felt acutely and without a doubt that it wasn't just me that I felt that way. I was under the impression that waves, like the ones we were walking, were passing through us, through us, and we were both catching them, untying them in the same way. It shrouded us with a mystery that we had never felt before; we waited for the light of dawn, and when it came, everything became clear, we had not said a word, but we looked at each other as if we knew each other. The liquid look that stirs your solar plexus by turning the sensation into desire. We knew each other without ever seeing each other; we remembered each other without a past. Of course, this does not happen in everyday life, but we were on a sea, at sunrise, alone on a ship full of people, surrounded by all the possible siren songs that came not from the waters but the two of us, to each other, enveloping our presence, each other with songs that were unheard but so powerful that we almost rippled in their rhythms. I don't think we talked for a long time, at least not with words, then we started talking, but I remember nothing we said, he'd approached me, we'd touch our shoulders, when we looked at each other our faces were 20 centimetres away, we could see the amazement in his eyes, and he'd definitely see mine. Was it love? Attraction? One-night stand? All in one place but also the idea that we fit as two perfectly merged pieces. We felt almost physically this combination, not as a sexual act or as an airy feeling but as a material fact, hence the physics of the joint, intoxicating physically was telling us that if we were close enough, we would have become one. The wind was getting stronger, but it was so fitting to what was going on between us because the sweetness of the first sensation was swept away by a violent desire to be together. I thought for a while that we just wanted to make love, but it wasn't just that; we wanted to be together, to stop breaking up, absurd desire for someone so unknown but natural to each other after everything we had lived. We were approaching a port, and I knew we had to make a decision, I thought I'd leave everything if he said a word, I'd go down to the shore and disappear forever with him if he asked me, someone would call me from the deck, he's just a friend—-I should have shouted, but I said nothing. He looked at me intensely, desperately, and went down to shore first. Single! He never looked back. Then he went unseen in the fogs on the beach. I felt devastated by the storm on the boat that went on; it was just a stop; we were going to another port. My vacation ended there; all the joy was gone, a dry seabed, that's what I'm left with. For months his eyes haunted me, sometimes I get the impression, when I woke up, that he was next to me, and he looked at me with the same regret that I was walking with, that we had broken up. How do you know you made the wrong decision? Know. Sometimes you just have to do what the sea or the night or the sand tell you, believe their voices that know for sure a lot more than we know. I fervently wish life were precisely like that magical dream!