Everything we happen to experience has its value, and now I'm going to skip the good ones and focus on the bad ones. All that we're going to experience is going to drive us into a corner where we don't think we're going to get any more.
And then, over time, many of us will feel the power to cross our shadow boundaries and fight to get out of that corner. Of course, the journey is never easy, and everyone conquers it differently and in their own way. Some of them give up halfway through and are stuck in that dark corner again at the mercy of themselves in a world of darkness that paradoxically fills them with their self-pity and hatred about the world around us, blaming it for how fucked up our lives are here.
That's what I meant and acted like. Only looking into the pain and the adversities around the world. If we're unable to accept the truth we have to change ourselves on our own and moving on to this goal is up to us, no one will live our lives for us. In my selfish blindness, I dragged down people who loved me and helped me as much as they could, although my life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for a while.
But who didn't end up being marked by life at a young age suffers the most, right? It was just a time when I thought the only time I was going through the most pain was when I wasn't living but just surviving, hurting people around me. I'm not proud of myself for it, because when I look back, all I see is the wreckage that I've fed like that monster in me who lived from my blood deep inside, ready to penetrate the surface at any time and rip a piece of mine around. I perversely pampered it within myself and fed it with the joy of a madman who knows no other way, even if others would show it a better way.
The depths of our soul are endless labyrinths that have so many dark no's, even we live with the remnants of past lives from which we have not learned. Anyway, there's a way to accept that everything around us isn't just going to be great like we used to dream with someone and have always wanted to live like that. Because we plan and life changes our plans so quickly that it can mark us for a long time. But if we learn that loss is an integral part of this life and may not be the final part of our lives, we can live with a calmer soul. Considering what is not yet explored in those infinite parts of the universe, there is still hope that nothing may be as it seems to us, and it is actually a bit like the matrix. Who exactly can say today that there is nothing beyond death are only those who are no longer alive.
I just woke up one day next to a man who gave me some faith in a new life and a way out of many. He's shown there's another way to live rather than to drown in parties, in that chain of hell and drugs. Because it never made me feel calm or happy, I just fell into more pressure around me and inside myself like a weakling who never had sought the strength to get out of it. Sometimes bright moments, good memories give the feeling that it's worth moving on, and then I am happy again before I feel like being someone who is betraying someone else who is no longer dead.
I couldn't afford to be satisfied. But I would never want that. I was the one who pampered myself and betrayed everything that made sense and what I could build for myself, what was supposed to last beyond life. It's just sometimes hard to admit it and change the present. To move your ass and do something that fulfils and gives meaning to life is essential for bringing it to being what we once experienced, the good and the unforgettable.
I'm somewhere else today, the blind spot is over. Thanks to the people I love, for them I've moved on with life and its fulfilment. I'm done with what sucked and killed me once. It was like burying myself in the ground, waiting for myself to suffocate in it all. I finally understood how much other pain is around and how people handle it. They move on even when they're not at their best. I stood still for a long time, had random moments of happiness, and after a few days, I got drowned again. It was stupid, and so I wish everyone who's on it to bounce back and move on.
Listen to the advice of those who, you know, love you and stand by you. It's those moments in your life that show you who's the one you can count on when it's the worst, and it's worth digging yourself out of that mess for people like that and not disappointing them. Because keeping a place for the people like that is worthy... And they're always around you, and even if it's one, it's worth digging your way out of that grave into the light. To live, you should be what you are and should stop being what you are not.